WARNING! Jessica Yaniv Simpson Stalking Salons Again!

I have to preface this entire thing with “allegedly”. Our sources are very good, but there is always a chance it’s just a big misunderstanding. Maybe this isn’t Jessica Yaniv Simpson at all and it’s an entirely different deep-voiced trans-creature calling salons up to request ball- waxing in the Lower Mainland. Right?

Before I get into the dark cloud, I’ll point out the silver lining – aestheticians talk to each other and word is spreading, fast. They’re learning how to handle Jonathan, and they all know what his scam is.

jessica yaniv simpson

At least one Lower Mainland salon was contacted by someone that sounds exactly like Jonathan Jessica Yaniv Simpson and a Brazilian was requested. Fortunately, this salon actually does offer that service to males / trans-women, and they have someone trained to do it.

I bet you can guess what happened next. Did Jonny book an appointment? Did he show up and happily get his balls waxed?

Of course not. He disappeared. He’s not looking for waxing – he’s looking for victims.

Jonathan Jessica Yaniv Simpson is only seeking salons to sue. He has no intention of actually being waxed. He doesn’t have the pain tolerance or strength to sit there, and despite it being a ball-wax, he doesn’t have the cajones to sit through the procedure without crying for his incestuous mother Miriam to help him.

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On a related note, word is Jonathan has been crying about severe whiplash and extreme pain from a recent fender bender. This fender bender is extremely suspicious. The paint isn’t damaged on his car, there is no paint transfer, no scene photos, and no bumper damage. The only damage is the upper trunk lid and maybe rear quarter panels.

I admit it’s possible that a tall SUV or a pickup could have done the damage, but I’m still skeptical. Why is the damage centered on the vehicle and not full-width? A SUV or truck would be at least as wide, probably wider, than his car, but the damage is in the center. It looks more likely that Yaniv backed into something because he’s a fucking moron. Just saying…Car crashes leave evidence – paint transfer, certain kinds of dents, broken plastic and glass. This looks very unlike any car accident I’ve seen.

Why do I bring this up? Because Yaniv is crying about whiplash and you bet your ass he’s looking for another physiotherapist to treat him, and we know what happened last time – he was paid $2,500 in fuck-off money by a physiotherapist after Yaniv bounced on their bed and broke it in half.

Let this be a warning to all businesses in the Lower Mainland. Jonathan Jessica Yaniv Simpson is on the prowl for businesses to sue. If he’s using your services, be careful.

If You Encounter a Wild Jessica Yaniv Simpson:
  • Where possible, keep Jonathan in areas with video surveillance and save the footage, no matter what happened. If he shows up on your premises, save the footage. You don’t want a chance of him making up a story later.
  • If video footage isn’t possible, use the buddy system. Keep a witness close.
  • Document everything – the time he arrives, what he does, what he asks for, his appearance, his posture and movement, and when he leaves. Did he look steady and strong in his walk, or was he wobbly and using a cane? Did he smell a certain way? Did he sound a certain way? Every detail could be important.
  • If he calls in, record the phone number. If it’s via social media, screenshot the profile and conversation if you can.
  • Jonathan is known to carry weapons and has a very short fuse. He is prone to violent outbursts, but he is also easily intimidated by strong people. Be confident when you face him. As sexist as this may sound, if you have a large alpha-male man nearby, make sure he’s watching JY. Jonathan is always on best behaviour when he knows he’s being watched and documented.
  • Jonathan is a known alcoholic and suspected pot user. If you smell alcohol, you may be able to use this as a reason to ask him to leave your premises, but document it. Again, witnesses and video are important.
  • Find a legitimate reason to avoid services if you can. The best Yaniv is the Yaniv that never comes to you, but be careful. He will try to find ways to accuse you of discrimination.
  • I strongly recommend businesses contact EACH OTHER. Aestheticians, I know you’re in competition with each other but you need to warn each other and help each other. Ditto for physio clinics. If you see a wild Yaniv, report a wild Yaniv. Email [email protected]
  • If Yaniv causes you ANY scene, report it to the police. I don’t care if it’s minor – you need to report it. Did he raise his voice and slam your door? Report it. You probably won’t get him charged, but having the incident reported and recorded is important.
  • Consult your lawyer if possible, or consider banding together with others in your business association to hire a lawyer to give you a few hours of advice and support BEFORE you need him. A lawyer can tell you how to respond to him properly, how to avoid problems, and how to minimize risk of being on the receiving end of his next lawsuit.

Stay safe everyone – Wild Yaniv’s are on the loose and you never know when one will stampede.

Support MeowMix! Yaniv is bitching about his life being hard for the last 45 days – perhaps that’s because he’s spent the last 45 days suing people and faking injuries.

MeowMix is covering all of it, but we’ve incurred several hundred dollars in costs keeping up with him while almost all of his fees are waived. Donate here!