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jessica yaniv simpson

Jessica Yaniv Simpson’s Unhinged Funk Counterclaim Response

Before we get into the meat of this story, it really is worth taking a moment to step back and look at what’s going on here. This is Jessica Yaniv Simpson, a morbidly obese monstrosity of a human whose own face is so deformed that facial recognition software misinterprets him as an geometry equation. Remember that. Remember the pictures of this person as you read this. The gut that hits his steering wheel when he drives. The weight that broke a physio bed. The ugliness that nobody loves. Cruel, maybe, but honest and important to remember as we get into this document.

What we have here is a troll, nay, a goblin attacking what it feels is vulnerable prey. It’s picked out what it thinks is the weakest of the pack and it’s thrown everything at it. When I say everything, I mean JY has reached into the crazy bin deep this time. Even our own legal expert could only describe this as bananas. This is the personification of ugly attacking a 70+ year old man in a walker and trying to paint themselves to the world as a victim.

This document is JY’s response to Gerald Funk’s counterclaim to Jessica Yaniv’s original lawsuit. It’s a 70 paragraph assault on Funk’s character that completely lacks evidence or even anecdotal support. It’s as outlandish as accusing Miriam Yaniv of giving birth to a good person and raising them properly. It’s poorly composed legal garbage that lacks even ANY ground and will die, but Yaniv has filed it. Why? Because he sees Funk as vulnerable. He thinks this will intimidate him into a payout. That’s what this is.

My opinion and analysis is below. You can skip ahead to the documents if you want to read them yourself.

  • Para 1 – Yaniv denies Funk’s claim of Yaniv being a bully.
  • Para 2,3 – Yaniv defends his decision to serve Funk three different ways and accuses Funk of trying to mislead the court.
  • Para 4 – he literally says his dog is 9.99451 days old at the time of the incident and that Rexy helps him with hearing, anxiety, PTSD, depression, and diabetes. Interestingly, he now states he is Type 1 diabetic.
  • Para 5 – 29 – unhinged garbage about animal abuse, including stating that men in general are more likely to abuse animals (as if this has any bearing on Funk) and that there is video evidence of Funk punching his dog. Wants Funk to undergo assessment and calls him an animal cruelty offender. Accused Funk of causing Rexy fear, anxiety, pain, etc. Says these actions are a warning sign that Funk will be violent in the future. Note that nearly all of this is plagiarized directly from this paper.
  • Para 30 -31 – the biggest load of bullshit you’ve ever seen JY write. He describes Funk as “visually morbidly obese” and approximately 450 lbs, and then says that he (he = JY) is half that. Jon, your NECK is 225 lbs by itself.
  • Para 32 – 38 – his usual “my fake service dog is a real service dog” lines.
  • Para 39 – “other people have had their dogs in there”.
  • Para 40 – Jon claims Funk has “visually transphobic tendencies”, whatever the fuck those are, and claims everything Funk did was due to transphobia.
  • Para 41 – 42 – claims Funk follows Jonny around and videos him, and gives him the middle finger.
  • Para 43 – JY claims he has severe anxiety, depression, and PTSD from what Funk did.
  • Para 44 – says suing Funk isn’t a form of contact and doesn’t violate his undertaking.
  • Para 45 – alleges Funk has repeatedly assaults JY’s family, physically and verbally.
  • Para 46 – 48 – more service dog whining.
  • Para 49 – claims Funk and his wife sit outside JY’s property and stare at his balcony to intimidate him.
  • Para 50 – 55 more lies about injuries. Claims Funk did it all on purpose to hurt him.
  • Para 56 – 57 – claims Funk battered him.
  • Para 58 – claims Funk is lying and the witnesses should be cross-examined.
  • Para 59 – JY demands a summary trial if Funk won’t “appropriately” settle the case. Lots of legal copypasta, case law citations, etc. Nothing actually appropriate or legally valuable. Just Yaniv trying to look scary.
  • Para 61 – claims Funk’s counterclaim is in bad faith.
  • Para 62 – 66 – denies Funks claims.
  • Para 67 – claims criminal charges have been laid against Funk. These are private prosecutions that will go nowhere. No charges appear under Funk’s name on CSO but three new private prosecutions appear under Jon. JY has filed private charges for assault, obstruction, and injury to a service animal.
  • Para 68 – 69 – the usual line people use against JY. Claims Funks counterclaim should be dismissed and Funk should be penalized.

There ya have it folks. The massively obese man in a dress Jonathan Yaniv is having his usual Christmas meltdown because he has no presents under the tree and nobody to love him. Perhaps if he spent less time pretending to be a woman and more time trying to be a worthwhile member of society things would go a little better for him. I don’t think the Yaniv’s have that in them though.

Prediction: this will all be tossed. Funk’s counterclaim doesn’t actually identify any cause of action in itself, so, sadly, it’s dead in the water. He won’t be granted any penalty money and he made a grave error in not asking for Yaniv to be declared a vexatious litigant. Yaniv’s notice of claim and reply to Funk’s counterclaim are both dishonest revenge-pieces that show as much about Yaniv’s character as they do his very low IQ (and yes Jon, everyone knows you’re a fucking idiot, regardless of how many 89%’s you get in your gender studies courses). Yaniv’s ramblings are incoherent, unprovable, and half of them belong in the HRT, not small claims court. Unfortunately, Funk played a very weak hand to start and Yaniv took this as an open door to strike, so I don’t expect he will go away easily now.

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