Daaaaaamn, Jessica Yaniv Simpson, you sure know how to make yourself look like an idiot.
Earlier this week MeowMix featured a brief clip showing Yaniv’s face lighting up over the idea of an 8-year-old girl and teen pregnancy. Now we’re posting the full 60+ minute LiveMe clip with our usual commentary for your enjoyment.
0:00: Why is that damn Christmas tree still up? It’s hideous, tacky, and now out of season. Yaniv almost immediately gets into a “LiveMe Battle”. The other party at one point can be heard saying something that sounds like “Oh I know who this is”. Yaniv’s battle-opponent is male. Yaniv entirely ignores him.
1:25: Yaniv starts “rapping” “Fuck Tha Police“, including the n-word. Fucking racist…
1:34: You get a brief glimpse of Yaniv’s condo. It’s a cluttered pigsty.
2:45: More yelling “Fuck The Police” and middle fingers in the air. Lets hope someone takes this clip and makes a 10-second mini-clip out of it and posts it on his social media every time he talks about the cops. Hint hint.
3:15: Captain Planet-shape tries to mix that into another song and fails miserable, then chokes on his own existence. I honestly had my fingers crossed the coughing would last longer. Oh well, can’t win every time.
3:50: It took until now to look past the Christmas tree and bacon hair (same grease, same colour…) to realize he has a new shirt on! I guess making fun of the other ones wore on him a little. Get it? Wore on..him…No? Moving on.
4:00: A new battle! This time, a black dude. He looks at Jonny, then looks in closer, then looks off camera and shakes his head like he doesn’t even know what he’s looking at. The head shaking continues for several seconds and the battle ends. Based on the opponents gestures and Yaniv’s lack of hand movements, the black guy noped the fuck out of there.
4:20: Yaniv starts rapping, “I’m sick of motherfuckers trying to tell me how to live” and more. Listen Jon, if you’re gonna try to molest little girls and rape women we’re gonna tell you how it’s wrong. If you don’t like it, you’re gonna face
5:10: Now is a good time to point out the hilarious filter Yaniv is using to slim his face. Watch carefully around his hairline, jawline, and eyes. You can see the filter glitching out. Jon, you so ugly your filter can’t even keep up. Wait, is that mustard makeup again?
6:15ish: Someone else joins in a battle but you can only hear him, not see. You can hear someone talking to Jon over and over but it sounds like he probably can’t see Jon either. How fortunate for him. It’s really hard to tell what’s going on but it lasts a couple minutes. It’s nothing interesting.
9:33: I haven’t been paying much attention to music but WAP is on now. Obsessed much Jon? Honestly there is so much playing at the same time that it sounds awful. I mean, all his stuff is awful, but this is a new low.
11:20: Another opponent has joined – a female. Yaniv speaks for the first time: “Damn, you’re so cute”. She entirely ignores him. After a few seconds the battle starts going overwhelmingly in her favour and she gets excited.
12:30: Yaniv says something but I really can’t make it out. The other girl is talking to her followers and having fun, apparently oblivious to Yaniv.
13:30: Yaniv starts begging for – no wait – demanding diamonds. Then he says, “I can’t lose to this bitch”. She’s literally showing the inside of her freezer right now and beating him in the battle.
14:14: “Send me diamonds, and you’re beautiful. You….are beautiful”. The battle ends.
15:15: A new battle begins, this time with a male. Yaniv doesn’t engage at all. The battle ends shortly after.
17:15: A new battle! Some stoned guy lol. He looks at the Christmas tree and says, “Is it still December where you are?” and ends the battle.
17:45: Yaniv is mixing in a sample of what I think is Donald’s voice. For starters, that’s ignorant as fuck. Second, it isn’t even done well. It’s just randomly pressed. No flow. No beat. Imagine playing a song on the radio and someone is beside you shouting the same word over and over at random intervals.
18:20: A new battle opponent appea….Nevermind. She noped out.
18:50: Watch how Yaniv does this little body wave thing he does. It reminds me of a bacon-haired buoy bobbing in open water.
19:20: A new battl…Nope. They ran.
19:56: A new battle! This one sees Yaniv and immediately says, “Oh maaaan”. He then goes on to send Jonny a friendly greeting. Yaniv looks at him and ignores him. If only he was an 8-year old girl. That’s what Yaniv is really waiting for.
21:27: Arianna Grande’s One Last Time plays for the third time. Yaniv take a moment to say, “Donald is such a fucking retard…fuck Donald.” There’s more but it’s muffled.
22:40: Yaniv stands up. His gut blocks 80% of the camera field. All westward facing cupboards in Hawthorne tilted open. LangleyResident rolled out of their bed as the floor shifted.
22:40: The opponent is still here and he’s being really friendly and respectful to Yaniv, even using proper pronouns. Yaniv is completely ignoring him, but occasionally turns the music up or shouts some lyric at the screen.
24:57: Yaniv “mixes” in the One Last Time intro. Again. He keeps “mixing” in the word “supervisor”. Likely from a Donald clip. It makes no sense whatsoever. It’s not funny. It’s not clever. It’s literally an obsession for Yaniv to think about Donald. Must be because Yaniv is going to lose everything to him one day.
27:00: Yaniv is still clicking his supervisor button over and over. I noticed that some users send Yaniv likes or gifts. He’s never thanked them.
28:00: One Last Time supervisor-button mashup. Yaniv tries to rap and just looks like a bleeding idiot. Users are asking him why he keeps doing challenges and ignoring the other participant and Yaniv replies, “It’s called getting diamonds.”. You’ll note he has hardly any.
29:00: What the actual fuck is he even playing here? Every song at the same time? Jonny DJ’s like he eats at the buffet. One Last Time is still on repeat.
29:50: He blobs his head left and right and his hair barely moves. It’s so greasy and so dirty that it holds position. Dude…clean yourself. Every now and then he buoys like a bigger wave came by and you can tell the furniture is shaking because his camera mount is shaking.
31:00: Lots of filter glitching here. Yaniv, if you’re so beautiful why do you have a filter to take off 3 chins and the chinchilla from under your jowls? More supervisor button. People are still asking about his tree. The hideous tree.
33:00: Yaniv starts talking about his “mixing”, asking “Should I?”, as if he’s about to impress everyone. He doesn’t. Meanwhile, people are asking him questions and he won’t engage at all. No wonder there’s no diamond.
34:15: You can get a decent glimpse around his apartment here. It’s disgusting. There’s papers and boxes and shit all over. The tech guru is trying to move over a few inches and loses total control of his shit here. This idiot couldn’t stream a fucking creek.
36:00: Supervisor button spam. Pedo Jon won’t tell anyone what it means.
38:00: He tries to start rapping California by 2Pac. The singing is really worth watching for the lolz. He thinks he’s good. He actually thinks he’s in tune. One of the lyrics is “Keep it rockin, keep it rockin”. Racist Jon changes it to “Keep it rockin, bunch of Asians”, which makes no sense at all. He then laughs like he’s trying to bounce his butt plug back in.
38:50: Pedowink! Gang signs? Wait what? He continues waving wannabe gang signs in the air, even after viewers tell him he really shouldn’t. Such a human rights activist! So brave!
40:45: Mr. Two-Seriously-Injured-Wrists-And-Hips is bobbing up and down and clapping in the air. Maybe ICBC needs that clip. Meanwhile, his face is glitching hilariously. He looks like an animated migraine emoji. When someone asks why he uses it he replies, “It works”. Jon, no. You look like a fucking moron with it and without it.
42:30: Jon says he doesn’t go on Discord. He says, “I’m not that nerdy”. Uhhh…Meanwhile, his face is literally glitching to the beat of Dr. Dre. I guess Yaniv’s Still F.A.T..
43:49: Yaniv tells someone on another app “That weed looks fucking good.” Dude, a few weeks ago you were telling Maddy you didn’t like weed. We knew that was a lie because a few years ago you fed weed to your dog and claimed someone broke in.
43:55: “You are soooo….fuck you”. to the other person. Pedo Jon keeps mashing the supervisor button.
45:00: After viewers question why Jonny won’t talk to them he says, “That’s why I’m mixing for you guys”. Dude…this isn’t mixing. 10 seconds later, to whoever he is watching on the other platform, “You’re so pretty”. He has the same creepy pedo-in-a-van look that you’ll see later Georgia girl pops up. More supervisor button.
46:26: Watch his head when it turns. Look at the matting in the back of the bacon. I mean hair.
47:10: Yaniv: “Fuck tha police” again. He frantically (for the 2nd time in this video) starts looking for cops outside his window. Meanwhile, his head is still pulsing like a pizza pop that is slowly overcooking.
48:20: Battle! Silent Yaniv. Supervisor button. Creepy smile. Bacon matting. Yaniv winks. A viewer says the opponent has nice eyes, and Yaniv pipes up, “No those eyes are ugly actually.” and then looks at him so strangely. I can’t even tell what to think. Jon, you have eyes that look like manatee rectums. Just shut up…Meanwhile, while this opponent is there, Yaniv talks into his other chat (likely Omegle) and says, “Hiiiiii” to some girl. The battle ends and Yaniv says, “I can be a bitch”. That’s not a bragging point, dude.
49:40: GEORGIA GIRL! If you skipped the rest, at least start here! The music even stops.
Seconds later, Yaniv repeats the same line he’s said to so many others. “You’re so pretty”. No hello. No hi. No greeting. Just an incel with a grin and a hand on his dick, I’m sure. His face is lit up like he’s ready to drink her through his screen. Body language: leaning into the camera, head up, eyes sunken but wide. Bacon.
Georgia girl smiles and plays it off as “the makeup”. She’s friendly and polite. Yaniv talks more in the next little bit than he did in the previous 49 minutes, and it’s all idiotic and desperate. Make sure you watch this bit. Watch how he stares at the screen and tries so hard.
First question: How old are you?”
After GG tells Yaniv she’s from Georgia, Yaniv says, “Georgia is where all the shit goes down though. Georgia’s fucked.” Yaniv, what the fuck do you know? Idiot.
52:05: Yaniv: “I’m from this little hick town Langley in like west side British Columbia”. WHAT? Hick town? West side?
52:50: Details about LiveMe contracting, if you’re interested. It explains why Yaniv is on here so much.
54:00: Yaniv: “What talent did you give them? Except for being hot.” Dude…incel. Shut up.
56:00: Yaniv complains that the Christmas tree is too heavy to put away. I got nothing. I can’t. I just…no. Says he’ll leave it up until March.
58:00: While talking about politics and how LGBTQ-friendly each side is, GG says she had a lesbian phase in her life. Yaniv’s face turns red and he says, “I had a feeling, I wasn’t gonna say anything, I had a feeling, Ya…you give off the vibe.” Wait isn’t that a bad thing to say lesbians have a vibe? Like all gay people just look a certain way? Yaniv’s face is hilarious. He’s staring at her like he’s Hannibal and he wants to eat her face and he hasn’t eaten any faces in months and the face-eating-craving is driving him.
58:31: After GG says she doesn’t like men, Yaniv the male says, “Me neither”. Watch the faces he makes in the next several seconds. Looking all over the place trying to find a clue. “Clue? Are you over there? cluuuuueee? How about over here? What if I roll my eyes back in my head? Where is my clue?” He has none.
58:50: GG says she couldn’t have sleepovers with girls as a kid and Yaniv lights up brighter than the stupid tree behind him. Seconds later she says she’s had threesomes with girls and Yaniv’s face is priceless. You know his egg dick swelled up to its full 2″ square. Where are his hands actually?
59:20: Yaniv:” Just the thought of me being with a guy makes me want to throw up.” Yaniv, you’ll never be with anyone. You make humanity want to throw up. Yaniv goes on…
59:30: Yaniv: “Like I have been asked so many times to be in threesomes and shit and I’m like ‘no, no, no, no, no dick, absolutely no dick'”. Yaniv…fuck off.
GG goes on to say that she manipulates men with sex and Yaniv says, “Well we got something guys don’t have”.
GG: “Pussy is power”. Yaniv agrees.
1:00:20: The part about her daughter starts here. This is stunning! If you doubted Yaniv was a pedo before, you won’t now.
1:01:46: The battle ends and GG declines to extend / repeat it. LOL @ Jon. He says, “I’m sure she just forgot to….”. No Jon, she didn’t want you. He tried mashing buttons to get her back but it didn’t work.
Suddenly he’s tired. Music starts back up.
1:02:00: Yaniv starts a new battle and starts calling a black guy “bro”. He leaves. More supervisor button. Lots more supervisor button.
1:03:30: A user is asking him where GG (Kandy) went. Yaniv again states that she just forgot. Dude, get it through your skull that you’re literally unlovable. She did the battle for her contract and moved to the next one.
1:04:00: A new battle starts and the opponent is foreign. After a few seconds Yaniv disconnects it and says, “That guy looks like a terrorist so…” More supervisor button.
1:05:00: New battle. The conversation is almost unintelligible. It’s nothing interesting as far as I can tell except he tells Yaniv he’s starting as a DJ and Yaniv asks him if he wants to battle. He declines. Yaniv shouts, “Are you a fucking pussy? You don’t wanna battle?” Yaniv goes on to try to give him DJ advice. It’s laughable. You can tell the other guy is already several steps ahead of Jon. The chat randomly ended a few seconds later.
If that wasn’t enough hell for you guys, check out the full video. Grab popcorn, get ready to shout at your screen, and leave your best Yaniv one-liners in the comments below.