Valentine’s Day is supposed to be the most romantic day of the year, but not for JY!
Yaniv recently gave the world his list of seven risky places to have sex on Valentines Day. Since Yaniv’s only sexual experiences involve his own hands and an alleged hooker, we decided to come up with something more fitting for Yaniv. Here’s our list of seven ways Yaniv has royally screwed up in all of his favorite sexy spots.
1. Yaniv thinks sex in a hotel room is a low risk way to hook up with your Valentine. Just add rose petals, candles, and…an unsuspecting girl that you conned into your Las Vegas hotel by pretending she won a contest?
2. JY drive’s an early 2000’s compact car, and despite being shaped like an early 2000’s full size car, he still thinks sex in a car is good enough to make #2 on his list. Other things Yaniv does in cars? Livestream videos to young girls, sing like a dying wallaby, and admire such great features as “windshield wipers”.
Wait…Everything on his list is #1. He didn’t even number these correctly. Now what? Guys? I need to call my editor…
3. Number three on the list, sex on the roof. This is sure to drive up strata insurance rates, and perhaps that’s what Yaniv finds so risky about this choice. Yaniv couldn’t even make it to the rooftop without needing paramedics. The closest he’s come is sending his camera-equipped drone overhead, high above the rooftops, so he could record sunbathing teen girls in their backyard.
4. Checking in at fourth place, but also still first place on Yaniv’s list, sex at a high school. Ladies and gentlemen, the pedophile wants to have sex at a high school. Apparently it’s (in his own words), “surprisingly romantic” and the bathroom may be an option. Remember that time he assaulted a girl in the high school bathroom? Also, didn’t Yaniv recently claim that he was sexually assaulted in a public bathroom?
5. Fifth on our list, but not-surprisingly ranked first on Yaniv’s, is in a public park. Let’s not forget Yaniv has his name on a street cleanup sign right along the park outside Fort Langley Cemetery. I guess all the signs near playgrounds were taken? Perhaps the cemetery helped Yaniv get a little closer to Jack instead of just jacking off.
6. Yaniv ranked this next choice #1, but it chimes in at sixth place for us, on the balcony. WGKitty had better look out – Yaniv has something in mind for him. Or her. Them? I’m actually not even sure. Other things Yaniv has done on the balcony include meowing, making a giant unsightly mess, and hanging a giant rainbow flag. Perhaps that’s what Langleys boys in blue are doing when they climb up to his balcony?
7. Finally (and first place for Yaniv’s list!), a public pool. Yaniv says, “bring some win to get you in the mood.” Remember that time he tried to host a topless pool party for minors? And that time he said parents couldn’t come? And that time he tried to make Katie drink wine alone in his apartment? And those pictures he took of young girls in the pool? And his infatuation with posting his swimsuit photos? Eww.
Remember, Valentine’s Day sex doesn’t have to be in the bedroom. Yaniv will surely discover this when he lands himself in prison, where he’ll quickly learn 7 entirely new places to have sex!