MeowMix first reported on April 9, 2021 that a 490 application was filed by Crown, most likely to finalize the forfeiture of the items seized from Jessica Yaniv Simpson when he was arrested in 2019. Thanks to previously unavailable court documents – not even on CSO – we can now confirm this to be the case, as well as provide details on what was seized.
Normally this would be no big deal, but the items seized are bloody hilarious and they only go to show how desperate Yaniv is to be taken seriously as a woman, despite the fact that he looks like the offspring of a baboon and a balloon.
First up, the “Damsel in Distress” taser. It’s hard to say which one he had for sure because the model isn’t listed, but it says black. The only black one on the manufacturer’s website is called the “Get a Grip” model. Fitting.
The second item was the “Damsel in Distress” camera/taser. The closest I could find online is this. Damsel? More like dude in a dress. Again, the desperation to be seen as a girl is hilarious.
Lastly, two pepper spray products made by Sabre Red. The colour isn’t shown on the court order, but the website shows they come in pink.
Our court source also reported that bear spray was returned to JY. This may raise eyebrows, but pepper spray designed for personal defense is illegal in Canada. Bear spray is a bit of a gray area – it’s illegal if carried for personal defense in an area where you’re unlikely to see bears (i.e., downtown Vancouver) but legal (recommended even) if you’re a frequent outdoorsman. However, if you use bear spray on a person you can be charged with possession and use of an illegal weapon. Considering JY often goes to Harrison Hot Springs and he probably said he’s a hiker or something, it’s probably that the bear spray context was legal. Bears are common in that area.
I took a few minutes to browse the Damsel in Defense website and they also feature a “Holla Hers Personal Alarm” pendant you can wear or carry. I compared the audio from the video in this MeowMix article where Yaniv hilariously sets the alarm off to a YouTube clip showing the same product and the sound is identical.
Perhaps the funniest part to me is that Yaniv bought these a a Damsel in Defense rep. DiD is a multi-level marketing company, where people sign up to sell products manufactured by DiD under the guise of self defense. They’re overpriced tokens of safety. Any woman would be better served spending that same money on a self defense course or at the very least a high-quality defense “weapon” from a proper store.
Not only that, but DiD uses real women’s rapes, kidnapping, and murders to advertise their products. I get that these are real problems but using real stories is shady as fuck.
I’m too lazy to go back to look but I seem to recall that Yaniv said that a friend gave him these items. Considering they can’t be sold in Canada, and there are no DiD reps in Canada, I question that story. I wonder if he bought them in Vegas one year and smuggled them home, or perhaps a trip over the border into Washington state. We’ll never know. It’s funny that he says a friend gave them to him when what’s most likely is that someone online conned him into buying from their MLM.
EDIT…I went back and found this. Called it!
Sucker in a dress….
20210406 - JY Weapons Charges - 490 Order - Forfeiture
JY a hiker that useless skin sack can’t even walk across the street to mommies. Imagine that lumbering beast on an uneven trail. Just the mental picture has me giggling so hard.
That would be kewl if Yaniv the beast did go hiking and someone shot it thinking it a “Samsquatch”.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aJphX1WtVSY
Samsquatch:
A large stanky ass whore that is loud, obnoxious, and grows attached to small things such as smaller horny prepubescent boys. Often communicates using phrases like “ME LIKE SNOO SNOO!”
“Wow, that Samsquatch sure likes to snoo snoo poor Timmy over there, its a wonder his little dick hasn’t broken off yet.”
The criteria for being a female, or one of them anyway is that you have a vagina. Strangely we haven’t heard much mention from Jon of his man-cunt and that’s because it doesn’t exist, finished, kapoot, sealed shut forever. This was Jon’s one chance to become a girl and he fucking blew it but he doesn’t want us all to know it but you know what Jon, we know otherwise there would be pictures of it plastered all over the net and you would be seeking another girl for some lesbian play time, that’s never going to happen now is it eunuch boy? I dare you to show us another photo of your fucked up mangina- won’t happen because it will just prove we were all right and you were wrong, you’re just a bloke without a cock now son, Jack would be so proud of you and Sarah and you are totally finished because you don’t have the appropriate equipment anymore, no sex drive eh Jon, isn’t that horrible for you you fat useless paedophile cunt?
Haha
Please don’t encourage it to show that ghastly axed “coin-slot” again. Ima still sufferin with “un-seeing” that disgusting butchered meat curtain . . . hoaw . . hoawwwaa.
Hiker my ass. That man can’t even walk without aid supposedly let alone go on a damn hike. Not to mention there’s video proof of him using that bear mace to spray a mirror in a public womens bathroom. God lock that ugly fake female fucker up already.
I’m rather surprised that JY hasn’t tried to pull himself out of debt by investing in crypto. He thinks he’s smarter then everyone already, so if that were the case, he’d be able to pick which currencies would be profitable to buy, sell, or wait at any given time. Its definitely a better strategy then suing everyone, being a creepy pedophile that the better half of Canada wants curbed in a back alley, being a toxic bigot that everyone avoids, or mutilating itself in ways that can’t be undone.
See Jon? Cause, & effect. You cause all this trouble for so many people, yet at the end of the day, it effects you the most because you are the one scrambling to fight against inevitable homelessness.
Bear spray?
Maybe JY wanted to get ‘advice’ about tampon insertion from female bears.